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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Grabouw's a series of vibes. There's Main Road (yeah, the one that splits the town like a deep cut) where locals and tourists mix like oil and water. Strolling past old brick shops on Florah Street, you see faded signs and memories that won't quite die. I ain't fakin' – some corners even got whispers of ancient timber mills near Bree Street, creepy but cool.

Khoisan occupation in Grabouw is no longer our problem, says forestry department